pavorst:

There is only one thought inside of me. It has buried itself so deep inside of me that it runs along my arteries, as constant as my pulse. I try not to let it echo inside of me but some days I am so quiet that the thought becomes a drumbeat that dictates the pace of my footsteps. It is all I am,…

pavorst:

It changes the way you look at me, once you know what I’ve done. It makes you consider every word you say to me, because you’re afraid of what I might do. I’m always afraid of what might happen to us. That’s what happens when you’ve lost someone. There’s an emptiness in your eyes. An open emptiness. I’ve noticed it in other people, and when we look at each other I understand them. I felt invisible, the little girl who spent her childhood alone. Pretending that she had a mother and she had a father too. Pretending that everyone I loved was within my arm’s distance. I spent years trying to pull together the distance between us.